Let's Go Shopping - Oh No!

I was dragged around the shops today
It's called 'family bonding' I'm told
Not my idea of relaxing though
Stood outside M&S in the cold.

Being a gentleman, I did my best
and opened doors for ladies - many
Then stood like a fool, with bags at my feet
Whilst the wife dashed off to spend a penny.

All too soon I was at my wits end
She knew it too, I could tell
And suddenly suggested a cafe au lait
I knew the pattern only too well.

By the time we'd queued and got a seat
The coffee was cold and just froth
But at least it was cheaper than Afternoon Tea
Where you seem to pay for the Table Cloth!

'Does my bum look big in this' she announced
For the umpteenth time that day
An apt reply came into my head
But did I utter it? Certainly not - no way.

I knew which side my bread was buttered
And under my breath I started to groan
'For god's sake man just get a grip' I thought
And as a reward, bought an Ice cream cone.

I started to lick it and drifted off
To a beach full of bikini clad beauties
Then the old trout appeared and the scenario was lost
Gone for ever were my mystical cuties.

'Is that it then? I really have had enough?
I dared to wimper in a low voice
'I've missed the Rugby and now 'Final Score'
Because to please you was my first choice.

'Please ME' she said, in a sarcastic tone
'I've overwhelmed and filled with good cheer!
And my feet are aching and I'm ready to drop
So go and fetch the car - There's a Dear.'

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© Copyright Harriet Blackbury 2006