Christmas Past... Thank God!

December was a Hell of a month
I hardly saw my husband at all
He had lunches and dinners to attend
And I think there was even a ball.

We had all our parents coming
Which should have filled us with glee!
Though normally at this time of year
We'd be sat in the sun by the sea.

But as they are getting older
We thought that this year, we'd have them to stay
My Mother was in charge of the fire
Because, she likes to do it her way!

I dispersed all the cats to the cattery
So they wouldn't get under their feet
But I forgot to clean all the windows
And replace a broken wooden loo seat!

A group stayed with us in October
And it's never been the same since then
So, now when people sit on it
It nips their bum, time and again.

This year was a record for cards
I sent two hundred and thirty five
But on Christmas Day, Aunt Gertrude rang
To say, our card to her didn't arrive.

She then said she had to mention
Just so that we would know
That we never sent a present either
And that she was now knee deep in snow.

Well, this left me feeling ecstatic
As I'd asked her to come for the day
But she said it wouldn't be the same
Now that Ernie had passed away!

The family seemed to enjoy their lunch
And the wine had put smiles on our faces
So we told them, that if they liked
We'd treat them to a day at the races.

Now this event was in four days time
And a lot was to happen in between
The first hic-cup being father's bunion
It really was an obstacle unseen!

It had kept him awake for two nights
So 'who was snoring' was a mystery to me!
He also missed going on his cycling machine!
Which he did every day before tea

I made father in law a Ploughman's
Yes, I tried very hard to please
He said 'EE, you do buy some bloody rubbish?
Where the hell did you get this cheese?

I think they missed something to look at
C'os we live up a country lane
And what started out a promising long weekend
Was fast becoming one long complain!

He also missed his own brand of porridge
Which my Mother had tried to cook the best
And the four of them still hadn't warmed up
Even with an extra warm, thermal vest.

Then there was another problem...
They'd started to run out of pills
And I think they'd all come to realise
That we weren't such a barrel of thrills.

Each morning my husband took root
In the bathroom, for his daily read!
Whilst they waited downstairs with their coats on
'For God's sake, lets go out' they did plead.

They missed the routine of their day-time
Like waiting for Countdown to come on the TV
There's nothing like sitting in your own chair
How good, going home would be!

So we loaded them into the Jeep
And set off for home the next day
I'm just off to book for Barbados
That's where I'm spending next Christmas Day...

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© Copyright Harriet Blackbury 2005